Shackled
by Liz Huisman
Summary: Josh breaks free from his shackles. (Josh POV)


Title- Shackles

Title- Shackles 

Author- Liz Huisman

Rating- PG

Disclaimer- Not mine at all.I have five bucks, if Aaron wants it, but it's nothing to sue over.

Feedback- Like air to me.[lizhuisman@yahoo.com][1] is open 24/7 to take your comments!

A/N- The song used in this fic is Shackles, by Vertical Horizon off of their cd Everything You Want.I also stole the name of the fic from it.I don't own the song.I thank Matthew Scannell for writing this song, so I could be inspired to write this fic!(and I'm not using the whole song, just bits and pieces of it)

Summary- Josh breaks free from his shackles. (Josh POV)

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For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold

_And it leaves me there without a place to call my own_

_ _

_… so tired now of paying my dues_

_I start out strong but then I always lose…_

_ _

_'Cause my shackles _

_You won't be_

_And my rapture_

_You won't believe_

_And deep inside you will burn for me___

_ _

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Today is July 12.I loathe July 12.It will never be a good day, not for as long as I live.It hasn't been since Joanie died, thirty-two years ago today.

Leo came to see today.He knew what day it was.He asked me how I was.Every year since she died, Leo has gotten ahold of me, no matter where I was or he was, and asked me how I was.And every year I'd answer the same thing, the truth.No.It wasn't any different this year.

He then asked if I wanted to talk to someone, not necessarily from here.I knew what he was hinting at.I told him no, and he gave me the father-knows-best look, the same one Dad gave me all the time.I reluctantly agreed to go see Stanley.

And I did.And now I'm sitting here in my dark office, brooding over how stupid I've been for thirty-two years.I let the guilt of Joanie's death shackle me.I feel stupid because I've held this guilt over something I had no control over for almost all my life.I finally realize that I did what any typical seven-year-old would do.I ran, assuming Joanie was behind me.But of course she wasn't.And when I saw my parents again, I thought they were angry that their beautiful, precious Joanie had died and not their klutzy son.Me.For years I thought that.But now I see that they just didn't know how to express how grateful they were that the flames that consumed Joanie didn't consume me as well.I can't believe I ever thought anything like that.How stupid of me.But I guess that's the theme of the day.

Leo came back to see me again after I returned.He told Donna not to allow anyone, including herself, to bother us until he came back out.He wanted to know how it went.

I poured out everything that I had told Stanley, and what he had told me.I told him how stupid I felt for holding on to that guilt for all these years, for letting it shackle me.How when I got back, I cried.I mourned Joanie all over again, but this time, I wasn't crying because I felt so guilty like had so many times since she left.This time it was guilt free.It felt so good.I told him it felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my heart, from me.And all that time, he just sat there, listening intently, wearing a look of genuine understanding.I knew it was genuine, because I know for a fact that he understood.

By the time I had finished, I had started crying all over and it was over an hour later.Leo had to go, but before he left, he gave me a hug, a tissue, and told me that he'd be asking me again next year.And I know that next year will be different.I can truthfully answer yes.

I broke free of my shackles today.It feels so good to not have that burden anymore.Leo has helped so much, as well as Stanley.I owe it all to them, and that next year, for the first time ever, I can say yes.

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So here I slave inside of a broken dream 

_Forever holding onto splitting seams_

_So take your piece and leave me alone to die_

_I don't need you to keep my faith alive_

_ _

_'Cause my shackles _

_You won't be_

_And my rapture_

_You won't believe_

_And deep inside you will bleed for me_

_ _

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   [1]: mailto:lizhuisman@yahoo.com



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